Raw kicked off with an appearance from CM Punk, who judging by the pop he received, is especially over at the moment. He stepped into the ring, picked up a microphone, and proceeded to list the reasons why Cleveland Ohio has been so bad to him, which unsurprisingly appeared to annoy the audience. One thing he did mentioned that shocked me though, was how Bob Holly deliberately punched him in the eye with such impact, that he is still suffering from the repercussions - Bob Holly must be a cock. Anyway, he then transitioned into a rant about the all too familiar conspiracy against him, but thankfully his time was cut short by the reassuring sound of Triple H’s entrance music.
I suddenly became aware of the comforting sound of Jim Ross’s announcing voice, and wondered why WWE opted in favour of Michael Cole for Night of Champions. That’s just something I’ve written down in my notes which isn’t relevant in the slightest. I should probably just delete it, but I’ve wrote this bit now, so I think I’ll leave it in.
Triple H, gets a few matters of business out of the way by means of plugging the Hell in a Cell PPV, and announcing the triple threat hell in a cell match between John Cena, Alberto Del Rio, and surprise surprise, CM Punk. He then rather aggressively addresses Punk’s conspiracy theories, and threatens to go back to war with him, if the accusations continue. Punk explains that he no longer suspects Triple H, and instead points his judgmental finger at John Lauranitis (raspy bastard).
Lauranitis must have had just about enough of Punk, because he strutted down to ring parading a microphone in his hand, demanding attention. He asserted his authority with a voice that sounded like it had been aggravated by long periods of cock sucking, and then fired CM Punk. Triple H immediately rectified the situation and calmly assured Punk that he wasn’t fired. Punk responded with a satirical wide smile and raised arms, gesturing a child like enthusiasm for being back on board. The crowd seem to respond well to this dry sense of humor, which is more than likely one of the key attributes to Punk’s success.
The segment ends with Triple H showing his dominance over Laurinitus, and promising that someone was going to lose their job before the night was over.
8 Man Tag Team Match
Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Sheamus, Justin Gabriel
Vs.
Christian, Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty
This match was really exciting; it had a fast pace, lots of quick tagging, and included a nice array of double team moves. Although Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston were the only two competitors to have wrestled the night before at Night of Champions, they both played dominant roles in this match. Things are starting to take off for Air Boom, and so their flow of their momentum and in ring presence, is probably higher on their list of priorities than rest.
Playing the part of the fiery baby face who comes to the aid of his heavily beaten partner, Sheamus got a surprisingly good pop and cleared the ring like a house on fire. He then built up to the finish using his standard series of moves, and decimates David Otunga with a harsh Celtic Cross (Crucifix Power Bomb), and gets the pin.
Good match, but way too short.
6/10
Alberto Del Rio
Vs.
John Morrison
Del Rio must win this match. If he didn’t, it would weaken his reputation and subsequently be bad for business concerning the Hell in a Cell PPV. The match finishes inside 60 seconds, when Del Rio applies his cross arm bar submission move forcing Morrison to tap. This match was used to strengthen Rio, but in doing so weakened Morrison.
2/10
In the centre of the ring, ranting irrelevantly and plugging his new film, was Raw’s special guest Hugh Jackman. I never thought I’d be happy to hear the shrieking “excuse me” of Vickie Guerrero, but I welcomed it with open arms over Jackman’s self indulgent speech.
Vickie and Ziggler entered the ring. I was tempted to fast forward through it, I couldn’t wait for it to end, but though I’d persevere and see what Fuckman had to offer. I’m so glad I did. I think Dolph Ziggler is my new favourite wrestler, not only is he one of the most talented workers the WWE has to offer, but his persona of an arrogant heel is hilarious. He reminds me of an even more sarcastic version of Mr. Perfect, which is a huge compliment considering Henning’s laundry list of accomplishments.
I’ve written down some of the particularly funny dialogue which transpired during this segment:
Jackman: Are you staring me down?
Ziggler: Are you hypnotized? Are you getting a little confused?
Jackman: You just insulted an entire city.
Ziggler: Not my problem.
Jackman: I love an underdog.
Ziggler: I bet you do.
The confident, half interested way in which Ziggler responds, suggests that he thinks Jackman’s conversation is below him. He is not giving Jackman his full attention because he doesn’t deserve it.
I hope Ziggler’s ridiculous responses communicate effectively on paper, but if they don’t, I’d highly recommend watching this segment on Youtube, or wherever you can find it.
I understand that the majority of this dialogue would have been scripted, but the way in which it was delivered was perfect, and I’m convinced that Ziggler improvised a few of those classic lines.
Jackman then arranges a match between Ziggler and Zack Ryder.
Sin Cara
Vs.
Sin Cara?
This was a very strange match. Sin Cara’s opponent was slighter larger version of himself, who had the same array of moves and lucha style. The imposter gave the game away though, after executing certain moves in a slightly sloppier fashion, than that of the genuine perfectionist Sin Cara.
The match ended abruptly, leaving the audience confused, with question marks over what will happen next.
Jim Ross summed up the match perfectly:
There were two Sin Cara’s.
The question is why?
And which one is which?
Jim Ross picked up a microphone, gave the new World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry his introductions, and awaited his arrival for the promised in ring interview. The majority of the crowd seemed indifferent as Henry walked towards the ring, but a select few still had that same look of disbelief on their faces.
Ross asked a few generic questions designed to boost the current storyline, to which Henry responded surprisingly well. He has clearly been working on his microphone skills, and played his role rather convincingly during this segment.
The interview had obviously been scripted, but did touch on some topics outside of the kayfabe world. Henry accused Jim Ross of asking Vince McMahon to fire him, for the reasons of under achieving and injury proneness. Henry has been a problem to the WWE for sometime, as he signed to a massive contract which would have cost a fortune to buy out. If not for that contractual dilemma, Henry would have been long gone, and so these issues spoken of are not far from the truth.
He then pointed at Ross and said:
“You, and all the rest of these people, I will never forgive. You never supported me, and you never believed me”
I never supported, or believed in Henry’s potential as a wrestler, but that was because of a combination of two things. He didn’t do himself justice when given the opportunity to do so in the ring, and some of the storylines connected with him, stained his reputation for considerably longer than expected. I had given up on Mark Henry, his style didn’t appeal to me, and his microphone skills were non existent, as he was never given the chance to speak. Well, Mark Henry has upped his game, and I’m jumping on the band wagon, he has made a believer out of me.
Henry then asks JR to apologies for the years of back stabbing and lack of faith. Ross hesitantly complies expecting that to be the end of it, but Henry gets even more angry and states
“I hate arse kissers”
Henry then proceeds to physically abuse good old Jim Ross, choking him by the collar of his shirt. Lawler tries to reason with World Champion, but his futile attempts to calm the situation do not succeed. But being the ex-pro that he is, Lawler throws a couple of haymakers to Henry’s face, but they merely daze the big man. Henry he retaliates with a severe looking head butt, followed up by a Worlds Strongest Slam; it was just too much for the King to handle.
This was a well executed section of Raw, one which successfully got Henry over as a vicious character.
Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres
Vs.
Beth Phoenix & Natalya Neidhart
Fast paced match. Kelly Kelly has got a nice arse. Kelly and Eve won.
2.5/10
Dolph Ziggler
Vs.
Zack Ryder
Zack Ryder has been making waves on the internet, with his memorable catch phrases, and general persona. The self declared internet champion’s fan base, seems to be spreading to the live audience and television screen. Though despite this rising amount of attention he is receiving, he will never be taken seriously. He is like a new Santino Morella, he is a comedy gimmick orientated wrestler. I am fond of Zack Ryder. His character is one to feel sorry for, and make fun of, and so easily lends itself to all kinds of audience.
The first move he used was a roll up pin, obviously not realizing that you have to wear an opponent down before winning a match. He tries the same move again shortly after, still unsuccessfully though. Pretty funny guy.
It was a decent match, with a nice pace, and varied array of moves. It was way too short, but that is to be expected on Raw; a program used predominantly used to build and promote future PPV events. Ryder won the match using his Zack Attack finishing move, fortunately for Ziggler, the title wasn’t on the line.
6.5/10
Main Event
John Cena & CM Punk
Vs.
The Miz & R-Truth
A short backstage segment was shown before this match, where John Cena and CM Punk settled their differences and all that load of bollocks. CM Punk’s recent rise in popularity means that he is more of a face than a heel, but that ambiguity makes these kind of promos necessary. Cena actually made me laugh during this brief segment though.
“Partners eh? Like the new Rock n’ Roll express” he said.
The Miz and R-Truth cockily bounced towards the ring, singing the new version of Truth’s song entitled, You Suck. The fact that they have rehashed that old tired piece of crap, makes this version even more embarrassing. Imagine recommending professional wrestling to someone who has never seen it before, but the second they turn on their television, The Miz is right there in your face, vigorously strutting down the aisle, attempting to sum up a generation of hip-hop in two poorly interpreted dance moves, not even able to sing in time. I’d turn it straight off.
Both John Cena and CM Punk get a big pop from the crowd, which encourages the doctor of thuganomics to break kayfabe and crack a smile.
The match starts off surprisingly quickly, with Cena of all people instigating the pace. The match necessarily slows down, while The Miz and R-Truth prevent Cena from making a tag. Inevitably, Cena does eventually make that tag to CM Punk, who then takes it upon himself to act in a similar way to how Animal would out of the Legion of Doom, in that situation. CM Punk’s cleaning house her ladies and gentleman, OHHHHH WHAT A RUSH. Punk then warms the crowd with his series of build up moves, before sending that fucker Miz to sleep. 1, 2, 3.
Triple H interrupts their celebration to do two things. Congratulate John Cena and CM Punk on their victory, and fire The Miz and R-Truth. Hurray! They then get thrown out of the back door by a group of unruly superstars.
Overall Rating:
7/10
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